Making Love :: Books - The Heart of Tantric Sex

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EXCERPTS FROM BOOK

The Heart of Tantric Sex

A Unique guide to Love and Sexual Fulfilment

by Diana Richardson

Chapter 5

Penetrating Innocence: The Love Keys

In conventional sex, we can liken our bodies to an open blossom with petals extending outward, reaching out into the world.
The energy is primarily projected away from the center, we are focused on the other.
Learning to live through the body In Tantra, the blossom is consciously inverted, the petals are pulled back toward the center and inverted toward the core, as if returning to a bud again.
The energy is primarily projected toward our own center.
The Love Keys knock us back inside, to be focused on ourselves, our inside space, which we consciously have to create and expand.
The Love Keys help to draw our attention inward from the periphery to the core, enabling us to focus the awareness within the body.
By “rooting” the consciousness in the body, and using the body as a constant reference point, we are able to arrive increasingly to the present moment.
Indeed the body is the only thing that exists in present moment, and learning to live through the body, increases our chances of overall happiness.
We forsake the entangled tortured drifting mind, in favor of the simple god-given pleasure of the flesh.
Polarity, the underlying theme of Tantra, whereby the genitals generate an energy of their own, begins to arise of its own accord as we make love consciously.
And particularly if we make love consciously consistently.
Now, with the information about polarity, and the importance of engaging the positive poles (which can be called the “background” Love Key), the Love Keys will make the body a vehicle, an anchor and a bridge, to keeps us rooted in the “sexual present”.
The Love Keys will guide us to various parts of the body, which open up doorways to being “here and now” in the awesome present moment.
These Love Keys assisted me thousands of times, and as I dropped into them, layer by layer, I was slowly able to center my awareness in my own body and thereby re-gain trust in myself.
As a result of bringing consciousness into the act, old buried sexual wounds moved out of the body, repressed energy was freed up, and I was enabled to shift to a higher frequency.
When I first introduced the Love Keys to my experimental group of westerners whilst living in India, I was stunned at the dramatically fast response.
Love was in the air, sparkling in the eyes of both the men and women!
What had taken me years to unravel and re-arrange in myself, was happening in a handful of days.
It was a miracle.
This was reassuring for me in that it confirmed that bodies instinctively respond in similar ways, and in working with couples since then, I have established that they can be in their teens or in their sixties, together for one night or thirty two years, the response is the same.
Love flourishes with consciousness.
But it must be stressed that establishing “the present” through the Love Keys, and in the body, is an ongoing process.
It never really ends! Although there can be an immediate sense of an enchanting quality at first, and a more relaxed approach to sex, it takes time for the sexual present to be rooted firmly in the body. Y
ou can't expect to be operating one way for several decades, focused on fantasy or the sexual reward of orgasm, and then suddenly move into a whole new way of being here and now! Moving away from old patterns So as a couple it is very important to realize that changing our lovemaking is an art, it's a journey, not an instant affair!
It is made up of small steps which can sometimes be huge in effect.
But the more we experiment with the Love Keys, we can practice moving away from our patterns into the experience of what is happening “now” in this present moment.
It is a practice of returning to the body again and again.
Sometimes we manage and sometimes we don't!
Sometimes we will get caught up in the desire for orgasm, and (please) go for it and thoroughly enjoy it. It is great!
And at the sametime being aware that this is what is happening, we are choosing it.
This is a great step in itself ! It brings awareness to the process we are involved in, and with practice, when we are able to remain present in the body during lovemaking, no longer motivated to “do” but happy to “be”, the body regains its inherent sensitivity and consciousness.
The Love Keys will strengthen your rapport with your lover, a new intimacy will grow, it will be like developing a new language, a solid foundation for love.
This awareness encouraged by the Love Keys will allow you to relax and have more time to focus on details happening inside your body.
And particularly between the penis and vagina.
As the sensitivity of the genitals increases, and polarity gradually becomes established, the positive and negative poles begin responding to each other, vibrating gloriously.
Sex returns itself to the body, and ceases to have anything to do with the mind.
Take the time to create stillness But not at first.
When you approach a new way of sensing the genitals, it may be difficult to feel anything at all at first.
It might even be an effort to try and feel! Until this point we have always depended upon alot of friction-like movement for our sexual experience, but now we are searching for a sensitivity that lies beneath this superficial sensation.
You are getting in touch with a finer layer, vibrant and glowing, more satisfying. And although you never lose your capacity to become excited, you are moving beyond the initial intensity and overwhelmingness of this excitement.
It is almost like stepping underneath it.
You must slow down in both body and mind, creating enough stillness to feel something so subtle it has previously been barely discernible.
Developing this degree of sensitivity takes time and commitment, but it is so well worth it.
When you begin using the Love Keys, you will feel exposed, vulnerable, a little bit shaky perhaps.
This is natural because you are penetrating your own innocence.
As if returning to that childlike wide-eyed innocent state, present and playful, now starting to make love for the first time.
It is fresh landscape, different colors.
So remember, if you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or a little bit silly, it is fine to laugh.
More times than I can count, I have burst into fits of wild uncontrollable laughter. And I always felt so much better, more alive, relaxed and easy afterwards.
You may even feel sad, allow the tears to flow, be grateful for them, don't hold them back.
Laughter and tears are a release of inner withheld tensions, and allowing them expression enables you to relax into a deeper, more authentic layer of yourself, a prerequisite for intimacy and satisfying lovemaking.
Let this be a form of play where we are sincere and not serious. And there is a world between these two.
Sincerity arises from the heart, while seriousness arises from the mind.
Sincerity likes to experiment and learn, while seriousness likes a foolproof recipe.
Playing around with the Love Keys is a bit like peeling an onion.
There is always another layer to penetrate, another step inward to the glory of relaxation in the body.
When you and your lover are able to be easy and experiment with each other, playfully and willingly, with commitment, love is able to penetrate you deeply.
You will eventually find that you can create love through your consciousness, that love is in your very own hands, and is not some wild wind blowing through and over you, beyond your conscious control.
Explore and experiment.
We need a fresh attitude and a loving approach in order to experiment with sex.
As a couple we must be curious enough to challenge our usual tendencies in lovemaking, which means we will probably have to give up things that, up to now, we may have enjoyed tremendously.
Since for most of us sex has become a relatively mechanical orgasm hunting experience, and people will often admit that the excitement of it is not unlike an addiction, we will need to support each other in “breaking” or releasing the mechanical or doing aspects of sex.
But if we remain focused on the usual goodies in sex, and what we are giving up, it will be difficult to see what we are gaining.
Often there is a gap between the letting go and the gaining, so we need the patience and willingness to abandon the old ways, and a playful, honest approach with a preparedness for the new.
With this commitment to exploration, and the unexpected, it is most helpful when both partners embrace similar attitudes, making ultimate co-peration and discovery possible.
For instance, in the throes of sexual heat and excitement, it may be a challenge to stay open to experimentation.
You might suddenly experience the overwhelming urge to go for orgasm. And in these moments, believe me, nothing seems more important! However, if your partner can help you in bringing yourself back to “now”, suddenly the possibility for you to relax arises and in taking the enormous step of dropping beneath this compulsive urge, the mystery of sex will begin to unfold before you.
In this way the support and awareness of your partner is essential in order to grow in love, to bring clarity to the sexual experience.
When couples make love in the spirit of co-operation, you are helping each other, teaching and learning from each other, and through each other, together you uncover the path of relaxation in sex.
It is not possible alone.
When one partner again and again undermines the efforts of the other, stepping away from our unconscious sexual aspects becomes a near impossibility.
Without mutual willingness it will be very difficult to explore new terrain.
Right from the start there must be an attitude of vulnerability, the humble acknowledgment that neither of you really knows much about making love.
Even though you have probably done it thousands of times.
Have you ever tried counting? A woman I worked with introduced herself by saying; she had done it at least three and a half thousand times in one way, she was here to see what else was possible! If either partner is unwilling to explore new territory, by challenging of old patterns in sex, this can lead to a lack of vulnerability.
If you think that you know what it takes to make love and how this mysterious energy works, there will be no entry point for different, possibly more refined and sustaining experiences.
Instead, you must be willing to acknowledge all of your feelings and to expose your insecurities and fears about sex.
If you are too set in your ways of thinking, the higher orgasmic potential of sex cannot be realized.
Banish rules from the bedroom.
We must remember that there are absolutely no rules about how to make love!
Using the Love Keys is more a question of awareness. And using the awareness is very different to using rules.
Through awareness we are able to discover and learn, we teach ourselves, but rules are imposed on us, and sooner or later, imply rebellion.
It is the undermining tendency of the mind to make ideas fixed and rigid, especially when we feel insecure from not knowing what may happen next.
If you have to do something it is not the same as discovering its value through experimentation. “Wow! that really works for me,” is different to “I must.”
It is very easy for a woman to become rule-oriented because she is usually physically the less demonstrative partner, so less “doing” is easier initially.
I have seen all too often a woman in her own insecurity, imposing rules and pointing (literally!) an angry accusing finger at her lover, rather than exposing her own vulnerability in the situation.
The man, easily feeling chastised and his ego threatened, will react by rebelling or withdrawing his co-operation.
This is not the interest of Tantra.
When insecurities arise in a fresh, new sexual way, Tantra offers suggestions rather than rules.
Try this, we can say to ourselves, and when we do, we gain concrete experience and so we are able to create new guidelines and orientations.
We are two people working together in a unit, like scientists with insatiable curiosity, slicing through the misunderstandings of centuries.
Patience, love, respect and understanding are the ways of Tantra.
In Part II, the Love Keys are assembled under nine general headings: Eyes, Breath, Communication, Genital Consciousness, Touch, Relaxation, Soft Penetration, Deep Penetration and Rotating Positions.
Each of the Love Keys assists us in accessing the present moment through the body.
As you read the individual Love Keys you will find there lie keys within keys.
Each Love Key gives a range of practical suggestions which can immediately be incorporated into love-making.
There is alot to absorb, so do not think you have to use all the Love Keys all the time, and get overwhelmed. Instead, see which keys you respond to as you read, which feel “right”, which arouse your curiosity. And then start with these ones.
As you begin to feel “grounded” in each of these, you can begin to incorporate new ones. Also, after a time of experimenting, and you read this all again, it will probably make more “sense”, you will understand more, respond to things you don't quite remember from the first read, or find interest in things that did not attract you in the slightest.
Really it is a unique dance, a journey, an adventure and as you experiment, your experience will deepen, and with it your perception.
Even if you embrace any two Love Keys to start with, for instance, maintaining eye contact and breathing deep and slow, you are highly likely to experience a qualitative change in your lovemaking.
So you do not have to embrace everything all at once, it is up to you, and you choose.
Besides, it is a process which takes time, remembering a shift in consciousness, and not a sudden change, is afoot.
I remember a couple telling me, one year after their first workshop, that they had experimented a great deal with the Love Keys but still they enjoyed having the orgasms.
The Love Keys enabled them to be more present and loving, and extend the time of lovemaking, which was wonderful, and then just to “finish it off” they would have an orgasm.
A little whipped cream so to speak. And so they continued their exploration, also attending another workshop during this time, when unexpectedly on the telephone two and half years from our initial meeting, the woman suddenly said to me “And do you know, neither of us is interested in orgasm any more! It's unbelievable, because it used to be so important, the all and everything. But now we have slowly discovered how to be here, it is so much nicer, more relaxing, why bother with orgasms! And we are so happy, so in love.”
Choosing which Love Keys to try So the beauty is that once consciousness is brought into the sexual act, a process is set in motion, and the old habits or patterns slowly work themselves out of the system.
And new experiences come to pass and consciousness take root.
So while you are making love, do not be afraid of trying out some of the Love Keys. Just try one or two and see what happens. If you are in a couple and you decide to experiment, then you can chat about which to try at first.
Often when both partners are using the same Love Keys, say combining positive poles and breathing, the effect on the sexual energy can be strengthened. But this is not essential. Even if you don't decide beforehand, or you do not have a “fixed” sexual partner with whom to experiment, you may suddenly feel inclined or inspired to try something out. And it can surprise you.
A friend of mine in a workshop, upon hearing that the Love Key, relaxation, also included relaxation of the vaginal muscles, she did not quite believe it.
Everything in her experience indicated the contrary.
She said nothing at the time, but later whilst experimenting with her lover in privacy, she unexpectedly remembered this suggestion, and saying to herself “okay, let it go!”, she consciously released her vagina.
As it widened and opened the, the penis instantaneously dived into the depths of the vagina, pushing and probing upward, almost grateful with delight.
She was in awe, even as she expressed it the next day.
How the Love Keys will help you change your relationship for the better As you choose a particular Love Key to play with, nonetheless, keep spreading the awareness through the whole body.
If for example, you choose focusing on your positive pole, don't become over-focused on the area.
Don't let it obscure everything else, so that it becomes a “concentration” or a fixation, and thus a tension, instead of a melting relaxation into your body.
So this is important.
If you find yourself getting “mindy” or too concentrated, then relax the brain, imagine it fanning open and spreading wide. Again and again sweep the body with your awareness, from head to toe and back again, connecting the parts with the whole, this spreads and expands the sexual energy bringing the body into one organic unity.
To help us shed the tough layer of the insensitive uneducated past, Tantra indicates three directions that we can pursue whilst exploring our sexuality so as to, effectively, cleanse or de-condition ourselves of unconscious sexual patterns which affect the quality of love in our lives. And the Love Keys will assist you in this.
The first is to challenge the habit of “going for” orgasms.
Also noticing that we are basically “absent” and ahead, and therefore relatively unconscious, when we do go for it.
The second is to make a shift from “doing” to “being” in sex.
Notice too, that even if we are not interested in orgasm per se, we feel nonetheless driven to “do” something in order to have a sexual experience, which makes us.
The third is to restore our original genital sensitivity (magnetic intelligence) through relaxation and consciousness of the present moment.
These pursuits do not happen separately from each other, it is an interdependent process.
The more you challenge your patterns, the more easily the genital sensitivity is re-established.
The more awareness you place on your intrinsic genital intelligence, the easier it is to change your patterns.
Some days you might focus on one aspect, some days on another, and most days all at once! It is a complete re-education in sex which happens through making love, and the joy that comes with it, as a profound imprint within, and not simply by mental understanding.
With the practice of relaxing into the sexual energy, and learning to “be” many old emotional patterns, habits, reactions and problems cease to be motivated.
The thrust toward unconsciousness, and the energy it consumes, is gradually retraced into the silver thread of consciousness weaving in the body.

Summary
* the Love Keys strengthen rapport with your lover
* curiosity and the spirit of co-operation are vital keys to exploration
* expand your 'inside space' through immediate bodily sensitivity
* let your experience teach and guide you
* a shift in consciousness, a gradual process of unveiling sexual ecstasy.

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