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| EXCERPTS OF
THE BOOK |
| The Heart of
Tantric Sex A Unique guide to Love and Sexual Fulfilment by Diana Richardson Introduction |
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The first time I made
love, I vividly recall being overwhelmed with disappointment. Especially since I had waited for love and made it a special occasion. I asked myself, “Is this what all the fuss was about? Surely there must be more. Ever since that first sexual experience, even though I managed to develop what others might call a healthy sex life, I always had a nagging underlying sense that there must be more to sex than I knew. Especially since there was such a taboo around it, so many rules and regulations concerning sexual behavior. I always found sex to be enjoyable, but somehow I was never deeply touched. Neither was I as absorbed or as involved as I had imagined I would be. When I realized that I had made love repeatedly, but still had no real understanding of how sexual energy functioned, I decided to begin a sincere exploration into the mysterious matter of sex. What motivated me in my exploration, and kept me going when I felt discouraged, was that here and there in my life were scattered moments of love that were glaringly different from the rest. When they occurred, time seemed to stop, become elastic, and the air, the space around me opened up to reveal a new dimension of sensual perception. It was as if I was suddenly truly alive and an inner body intelligence took over. How and why this happened, I had no clue, but it gave me hope that there was something more about sex that I hadn't yet discovered. Today, I know I am not alone. In my extensive work with couples over the years, I have encountered many people facing the same disappointments and asking themselves the same questions. Just like I was, they feel trapped in a cycle which is repeated every time they make love, and rarely it brings them to anything creative or new. Disinterest and boredom eventually creep in. Some will try sexy clothes and videos, while many others change partners often to keep sex interesting and exciting. Even so, this seldom satisfies in the long term. While a couple may continue to love each other, the attraction often dies, and they stop expressing their love for each other in a physical way. Sooner or later they might find themselves separating. And yet for us all, the search for this expression of love goes on, generated by a deep longing that seldom goes away. After researching intensively for many years I discovered that it was the experience of Tantra, that of relaxing into the sex energy rather than putting pressure on it, which gave me what I had intuitively longed for throughout my life. It was like finding a series of keys which opened door upon door. It was a process of uncovering age old secrets about sexual energy which touched my spirit, bringing me to an unexpected inner peace. There was a completely new language to learn, one that I never knew existed, which slowly became essential to an uplifting experience of sex and love. This language introduced me to a new and different world where the sexual rut disappeared and creativity flourished. I found out that many of my socially inherited ideas about sex were hindering my journey, and that to acquire this new language I first had to “unlearn” the old one. It took me many months to wade through the misunderstandings my society had given me, to finally find a relaxed place beneath the idea of orgasms, which I had believed at first to constitute sex. How to keep love fresh and new is the real challenge for lovers today. Indeed, how to increase this love and make it grow? Tantra offers answers in its unique and intelligent approach to sex, which has the effect of enhancing intimacy and deepening love. Tantra, which removes many tensions from sex by suggesting we relax, surprisingly, offers us increased joy and fulfillment. This is what so many of us long for in the deepest parts of ourselves, but we simply don't know how to create it in reality, and especially how to do so through sex. I have a friend who went to a therapist in a dilemma. In love with two women, he was utterly confused, in distress and agony, over which one to choose. The therapist asked him: “Who do you enjoy making love with more?” “Cathy,” he said. “Then go with Cathy!” was her advice. When he first told me this, I was in the doldrums of a long relationship where sex had lost its joy and spark, and I didn't understand his therapist's answer. Now I do. I have learned that whenever the sex is fulfilling, the chances of love and a joyful life together is greater. Sexual rapport creates the possibility for intimacy and honesty, and a bonding, loving union. Conversely, where there is dissatisfaction in sex, the seeds of discontent are sown, resentments, frustrations and fears easily arise, and slowly, the love and rapport between partners can break down, ultimately leading to separation. Our collective lack of knowledge in sex is so acute that it seems like a normal state of affairs for our youth to be struggling in ignorance, trying to harness sexual energy, the natural force of life. We pay so dearly for unfortunate sexual experiences or uneducated guesses early on in life, carrying them through as swirling dim unresolved memories which affect us day by day. Sex, love and intimacy can become a nightmare, ruled by insecurity and lack of trust. Tantra is an ancient art and an antidote, a re-education in sex, and an education which our parents, grandparents and great grandparents never had. Over time, experimenting with Tantra has shown me a new “style” of lovemaking that has made not only my sex life far more fulfilling, but out of this, my experience of love, and thus life itself, has become more significant. Before this change in the way I made love, I felt that I was swimming in shallow waters, unsure of my role in this life, of what to do and how to be. Together with my lover, as we embraced the Tantric teachings, penetrating the deeper waters of sex and the heightened love that arose through it, my life took on a new vision, and I felt as if I was arriving home. Today I can see that love, the roots of true contentment, lie not on the outside of me, but rather within me, and sex has become a vehicle for me to contact my core, my inner world, my silent self. It has given me much more depth and substance than my ambitions, or my activities through which to achieve those ambitions, ever could. Tantra reminds us that true relaxation starts with sex. Unfortunately, in our society we have forgotten the art of relaxation in most areas of life. And sex in particular has become a source of anxiety and stress for many of us. We are conditioned with countless fears and tensions around sex, but once we begin to relax during the sexual act, we will find that many of our anxieties and unhappinesses naturally subside, too. If we can relax into the sex energy, the inner comfort which it produces will radiate outward, giving the rest of life that same quality of relaxation and loving ease. Exploring sex implies more intimacy with our own body and sexuality, and that of our partner, too. With this comes an acceptance of the simple truth, with nothing hidden, that naked is sacred. And out of this arises a confidence based on self-understanding. Through the experience of Tantra, we find that what we have always hoped is true: that love and joy can be a tangible reality for each of us, not an impossible dream. What made this dream possible for me, and on which my years of experience and inspiration are based, is drawn from two primary sources. In the early eighties I first heard the two audio-tapes entitled “Making Love” produced by Barry Long from Australia. In these discourses he gives a revolutionary insight into man and woman, and a completely different picture of love and lovemaking. At this time, in my ignorance, I was too proud to admit that I did not know, in truth, how to make love. I returned to these teachings some five years later, during which time I felt I had exhausted the routine of sex. But this time my attitude was changed. I listened to them in gratitude, knowing there was definitely something I did not yet know about love or sex. The depth and detail of information given by Barry Long, I can say without any doubt, changed the course of my life. Through ongoing experimentation within the specific guidelines laid out, I was able to meet and challenge my sexual conditioning, the sexual frame into which I had been so innocently born. This essential groundwork gave me the experience of discovering a new “genital connection”. Furthermore, it enabled me to understand and absorb, in a bodily way, the words of my spiritual Master from India, Osho. His includes a vision of spirituality through sex, woven together with interpretations of the ancient Tantric Scriptures which were born in India thousands of years ago. These words are a treasure to humanity today. Both these sources represent Tantric teaching at its highest level. The pages ahead are an attempt to share simple practical information about sex which was not common knowledge to me, and which created a subtle and significant revolution in my life. This by no means intends to be a comprehensive presentation of the origins or intricate esoteric aspects of Tantra, it is simply a personal experience. The material appears in three sections: “The Roots” looks at the divine potential of sex and love, “The Love Keys” offers practical body oriented suggestions, and “The Journey” delves into crucial aspects of sex and sexuality. Sex is a vast subject, and even while attempting to streamline the information, the different themes naturally link and interweave. Reading the Love Keys again and again, in conjunction with your own experience while using them, will bring deeper insights into sex, support your exploration, and strengthen your perception. |
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