The Heart of
A Unique guide to
Love and Sexual Fulfilment
The first time I made
love, I vividly recall being overwhelmed with disappointment.
Especially since I had
waited for love and made it a special occasion.
I asked myself,
Is this what all the fuss was about?
Surely there must be
Ever since that first
sexual experience, even though I managed to develop what others might call a
healthy sex life, I always had a nagging underlying sense that there must be
more to sex than I knew.
Especially since there
was such a taboo around it, so many rules and regulations concerning sexual
I always found sex to
be enjoyable, but somehow I was never deeply touched.
Neither was I as
absorbed or as involved as I had imagined I would be.
When I realized that I
had made love repeatedly, but still had no real understanding of how sexual
energy functioned, I decided to begin a sincere exploration into the mysterious
matter of sex.
What motivated me in my
exploration, and kept me going when I felt discouraged, was that here and there
in my life were scattered moments of love that were glaringly different from
When they occurred,
time seemed to stop, become elastic, and the air, the space around me opened up
to reveal a new dimension of sensual perception.
It was as if I was
suddenly truly alive and an inner body intelligence took over.
How and why this
happened, I had no clue, but it gave me hope that there was something more
about sex that I hadn't yet discovered.
Today, I know I am not
In my extensive work
with couples over the years, I have encountered many people facing the same
disappointments and asking themselves the same questions.
Just like I was, they
feel trapped in a cycle which is repeated every time they make love, and rarely
it brings them to anything creative or new.
Disinterest and boredom
eventually creep in.
Some will try sexy
clothes and videos, while many others change partners often to keep sex
interesting and exciting.
Even so, this seldom
satisfies in the long term.
While a couple may
continue to love each other, the attraction often dies, and they stop
expressing their love for each other in a physical way.
Sooner or later they
might find themselves separating.
And yet for us all, the
search for this expression of love goes on, generated by a deep longing that
seldom goes away.
intensively for many years I discovered that it was the experience of Tantra,
that of relaxing into the sex energy rather than putting pressure on it, which
gave me what I had intuitively longed for throughout my life.
It was like finding a
series of keys which opened door upon door.
It was a process of
uncovering age old secrets about sexual energy which touched my spirit,
bringing me to an unexpected inner peace.
There was a completely
new language to learn, one that I never knew existed, which slowly became
essential to an uplifting experience of sex and love.
introduced me to a new and different world where the sexual rut disappeared and
I found out that many
of my socially inherited ideas about sex were hindering my journey, and that to
acquire this new language I first had to unlearn the old one.
It took me many months
to wade through the misunderstandings my society had given me, to finally find
a relaxed place beneath the idea of orgasms, which I had believed at first to
How to keep love fresh
and new is the real challenge for lovers today.
Indeed, how to increase
this love and make it grow? Tantra offers answers in its unique and intelligent
approach to sex, which has the effect of enhancing intimacy and deepening love.
Tantra, which removes many tensions from sex by suggesting we relax,
surprisingly, offers us increased joy and fulfillment.
This is what so many of
us long for in the deepest parts of ourselves, but we simply don't know how to
create it in reality, and especially how to do so through sex.
I have a friend who
went to a therapist in a dilemma.
In love with two
women, he was utterly confused, in distress and agony, over which one to
The therapist asked
him: Who do you enjoy making love with more?
Then go with
Cathy! was her advice.
When he first told me
this, I was in the doldrums of a long relationship where sex had lost its joy
and spark, and I didn't understand his therapist's answer.
Now I do.
I have learned that
whenever the sex is fulfilling, the chances of love and a joyful life together
Sexual rapport creates
the possibility for intimacy and honesty, and a bonding, loving union.
Conversely, where there
is dissatisfaction in sex, the seeds of discontent are sown, resentments,
frustrations and fears easily arise, and slowly, the love and rapport between
partners can break down, ultimately leading to separation.
Our collective lack of
knowledge in sex is so acute that it seems like a normal state of affairs for
our youth to be struggling in ignorance, trying to harness sexual energy, the
natural force of life.
We pay so dearly for
unfortunate sexual experiences or uneducated guesses early on in life, carrying
them through as swirling dim unresolved memories which affect us day by day.
Sex, love and intimacy
can become a nightmare, ruled by insecurity and lack of trust.
Tantra is an ancient
art and an antidote, a re-education in sex, and an education which our parents,
grandparents and great grandparents never had.
experimenting with Tantra has shown me a new style of lovemaking
that has made not only my sex life far more fulfilling, but out of this, my
experience of love, and thus life itself, has become more significant.
Before this change in
the way I made love, I felt that I was swimming in shallow waters, unsure of my
role in this life, of what to do and how to be.
Together with my lover,
as we embraced the Tantric teachings, penetrating the deeper waters of sex and
the heightened love that arose through it, my life took on a new vision, and I
felt as if I was arriving home.
Today I can see that
love, the roots of true contentment, lie not on the outside of me, but rather
within me, and sex has become a vehicle for me to contact my core, my inner
world, my silent self.
It has given me much
more depth and substance than my ambitions, or my activities through which to
achieve those ambitions, ever could.
Tantra reminds us that
true relaxation starts with sex.
Unfortunately, in our
society we have forgotten the art of relaxation in most areas of life.
And sex in particular
has become a source of anxiety and stress for many of us.
We are conditioned with
countless fears and tensions around sex, but once we begin to relax during the
sexual act, we will find that many of our anxieties and unhappinesses naturally
If we can relax into
the sex energy, the inner comfort which it produces will radiate outward,
giving the rest of life that same quality of relaxation and loving ease.
Exploring sex implies
more intimacy with our own body and sexuality, and that of our partner, too.
With this comes an
acceptance of the simple truth, with nothing hidden, that naked is
And out of this arises
a confidence based on self-understanding.
Through the experience
of Tantra, we find that what we have always hoped is true: that love and joy
can be a tangible reality for each of us, not an impossible dream.
What made this dream
possible for me, and on which my years of experience and inspiration are based,
is drawn from two primary sources.
In the early eighties I
first heard the two audio-tapes entitled Making Love produced by
Barry Long from Australia.
In these discourses he
gives a revolutionary insight into man and woman, and a completely different
picture of love and lovemaking.
At this time, in my
ignorance, I was too proud to admit that I did not know, in truth, how to make
I returned to these
teachings some five years later, during which time I felt I had exhausted the
routine of sex.
But this time my
attitude was changed.
I listened to them in
gratitude, knowing there was definitely something I did not yet know about love
The depth and detail of
information given by Barry Long , I can say without any doubt, changed the
course of my life.
experimentation within the specific guidelines laid out, I was able to meet and
challenge my sexual conditioning, the sexual frame into which I had been so
groundwork gave me the experience of discovering a new genital
Furthermore, it enabled
me to understand and absorb, in a bodily way, the words of my spiritual Master
from India, Osho.
His includes a vision
of spirituality through sex, woven together with interpretations of the ancient
Tantric Scriptures which were born in India thousands of years ago.
These words are a
treasure to humanity today.
Both these sources
represent Tantric teaching at its highest level.
The pages ahead are an
attempt to share simple practical information about sex which was not common
knowledge to me, and which created a subtle and significant revolution in my
This by no means
intends to be a comprehensive presentation of the origins or intricate esoteric
aspects of Tantra, it is simply a personal experience.
The material appears in
three sections: The Roots looks at the divine potential of sex and
love, The Love Keys offers practical body oriented suggestions, and
The Journey delves into crucial aspects of sex and sexuality.
Sex is a vast subject,
and even while attempting to streamline the information, the different themes
naturally link and interweave.
Reading the Love Keys
again and again, in conjunction with your own experience while using them, will
bring deeper insights into sex, support your exploration, and strengthen your