Orgasm for Women
Orgasm Is a
Probably most of us have given little thought to where the word orgasm comes
from, and what it actually implies. Orgasm derives from the Latin word orgia,1
which describes a pagan religious ceremony in which people became ecstatic-so
ecstatic that their bodies were bursting with divine energy and they were able
to lose themselves in time-stopping bliss. In the word orgasm we see our
origins reflected in language, reminding us that in earlier days humans
gathered together in large groups to perform rituals with the intention of
deliberately moving into ecstasy. Attaining orgia was a way of praising and
expressing gratitude to Mother Earth, extolling the marvel of her creation.
With simple dance steps, singing to the rhythmic beating of the drum, and
celebrating for days on end people became almost drunk with the divine,
accessing gloriously heightened states of sensuality and sensitivity.
Participants returned from the ceremonies rejuvenated, overflowing with love
and zest for life.
Today few opportunities for expression of orgia exist. There has been a shift
away from emphasis on the physical body toward emphasis on the mind. Instead of
sharing energy by dancing and singing together, people are more likely to meet
in large or small groups to exchange ideas, discuss, argue, or gossip. We have
become disconnected from our bodily sensitivity and lukewarm in our physical
responses; as a result we experience a lack of fulfilling orgasm during sexual
exchange. In this restricted environment sex loses its natural healing and
regenerative powers. Man and woman have lost touch with the uplifting spiritual
connection once regularly accessed through the physical body.
Human beings can only genuinely begin to affect or change their social
environment through a dramatic and drastic reevaluation and re-evolution in
sex. The repression and suppression of normal, healthy sex that has prevailed
for the last few thousand years of civilization has had a severely polluting
effect on the beautiful, loving, natural expression that sex is. At present it
can safely be said that the source of most social disturbance and violence has
its root in sex-or, more to the point, the lack of nourishing, fulfilling,
uplifting sex. It is as if our society has become sexually unwell. Sex itself
is not sick, but the mind-the psychology of humans surrounding sex-has become
tainted, almost toxic. The sexual abuse of all kinds that occurs somewhere
every minute of every day provides acutely painful evidence of the sexual
distress present in society. Through widespread misinformation, sexual energy
is unconsciously repressed and creativity is diminished. The prevalent lack of
understanding about the nature of male and female energetic interaction means
that contemporary sex rarely achieves a full expression of its spiritually
regenerative potential. Although at first glance sexual perversion, sexual
abuse, aggression, and war might not appear to be directly related to a lack of
fulfilling and nourishing sexual experience, the rejection of an expression
that is our inherent nature contributes to all of these unfortunate outcomes.
Through misunderstanding the significance of sex over and above reproduction, a
woman can easily find herself forced to accept a loveless, intrusive, and
abusive sex life. She may sincerely want to produce children and to love, feed,
and care for a family, yet she devotes herself to all of this heartfelt
expression in the absence of any regenerative and uplifting orgasmic
experiences for herself. And this lack of sexual fulfillment holds true for
men, too, most of whom, even after a lifetime of sexual experiences, still
believe that ejaculation equals orgasm (which, as we have already mentioned, it
Biology, as the means by which life here on Earth is preserved, is without
question basic to sex. Without biological sex, life as we know it would cease.
Almost all forms of animal and plant life unite male and female elements to
re-create life. Sometimes the two elements are in separate entities, sometimes
not. Sometimes the entities join physically, sometimes not. In whatever way the
miracle of fertilization occurs, sex functions to create new life, extending
the collective life of all the species. Sex fully engages all levels of life in
all forms in a most extraordinarily wholehearted process in order to ensure the
continuation of the species.
Even though it is no novelty, human birth will forever be the most awesome of
miracles. The innocence, integrity, and delicate perfection of translucent new
life touches and warms the heart in the most enchanting of ways. Even so, the
ability to reproduce another human being represents only our basic biological
expression of sex. This is our so-called animal nature, and it depends upon a
downward movement of energy. Male semen is released by ejaculation (with or
without female orgasm). Fusion and fertilization of the female egg follows, and
another life is initiated, a life separate from the two lives that produced it.
But there is more to human sexuality than the physical ability to reproduce.
Nature did not give us the captivating mystery of sex simply for quick male
ejaculation and prolonged female gestation. In humans there is a higher
dimension to sex-there is more to the meeting of male and female than meets the
The Upward Movement of Sexual Energy Humans are designed to experience altered
states of consciousness during sexual union-states that engender a blissful
experience of union with the whole of existence. In this orgasmic ability we
differ from our friends in the animal kingdom (with the exception of dolphins,
who are understood to experience higher energetic states during sexual play).
Our bodies come with the innate capacity to expand energetically from the
sexual center. When correctly harnessed this expansion results in altered
states of consciousness: valleys of ecstatic relaxation and peaks of orgasmic
The impact of upward-moving sexual energy is relatively unknown in the West and
is explored by only a few. But if we turn to the East we encounter (in China) a
far earlier culture whose medical practitioners urged such energy practices for
good health and longevity. In India a far earlier religion also recognized and
cultivated this upward-spiraling energy as the spiritual aspect of sex, as
sacred sexuality.* When the energy is routed in this vertical way as an
expression of the higher, generative aspect of sexuality, sex protects the body
and is experienced as a rejuvenating and life-giving force in the human
In generative sexual expression, the intent and function are more or less
opposite from the intent and function of its biological counterpart. There is
no biological requirement to ejaculate semen (to coincide with ovulation). No
additional life is produced; instead, the energy is retained and remains within
the participants themselves, renewing lives that already exist. The lovers feel
enriched, energized, loving, and joyful.
Inward and upward movement of energy during generative sexual play occurs of
its own accord with the balance and alignment of male and female genitals.
Energy moves according to an innate polarity, which we discuss in depth in
Chapter 4. Genitals together generate energy that rises upward through internal
channels eventually to reach, and return to, the "master" endocrine
glands in the brain, the ultimate source of all hormonal information given to
These glands, particulary the pituitary and pineal glands, themselves produce
our sexual expression.2 (At high levels of hormonal purification, the body will
even release perfumed fragrances.) The pituitary gland is located between the
eyebrows, above the nasal cavity. It is the master endocrine control gland
regulating growth, gonadal function, the adrenals, and the thyroid. This gland
is said to govern the forebrain, vision, and the right eye, as well as being
the seat of love, compassion, knowledge, love of humanity, and devotion. It is
also involved in intelligence and conceptual memory, which we use in reading,
thinking, and studying. Close by is the pineal gland, located toward the crown
of the head above the midbrain; its functions are related to sensitivity and to
the sexual cycle. The pineal gland governs the hindbrain, hearing, body
rhythms, equilibrium, and the perception of light through eyes and skin.
Given all of these functions that we take for granted, it becomes obvious that
feeding and nourishing these master glands with our sexual energy-our life
force-is bound to be to our distinct advantage. When energy spirals upward it
produces a vitality that radiates from the whole being. One feels cellularly
drenched with contentment, love, and peace. Sex experienced in this way is
empowering. Energy is not released; it is produced, strengthening the immune
system and enhancing all kinds of creativity. An individual can extend her life
by producing this generative energy rather than simply duplicating it, as is
possible through the downward-moving expression of reproduction. Nature gives
us sex so that we may have the opportunity to transcend the limits of our
physical boundaries, to float as filaments of vibrating light and love. The
experience of generative sex keeps a person youthful, adventurous, and
responsive to whatever life brings.
It seems incredible to realize that the spiritual realm of orgasm-the most
fulfilling gift human beings possess-remains unexplored during an age in which
humankind has penetrated outer realms with its increasingly sophisticated
technology. In spite of all of our technological know-how, we find ourselves
stumbling around in the sexual arena, tethered by ignorance and by complacency.
We assume that simply by virtue of being a woman or a man, we will
automatically know everything about the sex act.
How then is it that woman knows so little about her body and her sexual
potential? Perhaps at some time in the past this knowledge was deliberately
kept secret from her, making her a more compliant slave to the appeasement of
mans' appetites. But it comes as no surprise to women that modern men are even
less informed than women about women's bodies-or, for that matter, about their
own bodies. Women have a longstanding affinity with intuitive
knowledge-commonly referred to as "women's intuition"-which most men
are less able to access as the truth residing within their bodies. By looking
(and feeling) within, women need to take the lead in making a place for
generative sexuality, and for the love that follows.
In the absence of a woman's cooperation in sex, the divinity of the sex act is
near impossible to encounter. Generations of insensitive handling and abuse of
women by men has led to situations in which sex, to a lesser or greater degree,
is lovelessly imposed upon women. When a man repeatedly enters a woman's body
before she is really prepared for penetration, the woman will feel turned off
to sex. A certain repulsion may even begin to set in. In time, many a woman
will close down physically, eventually turning away from sex if possible. When
unable to avoid it, she becomes a master at submitting, enduring the minutes
prior to ejaculation. Once she becomes resigned to lack of satisfaction in sex,
woman can actually feel grateful for premature ejaculation in the knowledge
that everything will soon be over.
Man has lost his masculine ability to "speak" meaningfully to the
female body, the ability to spiral in on her in such a way that she welcomes
penetration with her whole being. He has become so accustomed to woman giving
in and yielding to him that he has forgotten (or has never experienced) the
true taste and flair of cooperative sexual expression, the dance of male and
female sexuality in perfect balance, in which woman sumptuously participates,
transforming the experience into a sinuous, winding, dynamic dance between
bodies. Such an experience in itself can give man the feeling of his worth as a
male of the species-and for many a man it will be the first time he feels this
way in his life.
Woman Is the Environment of Sex It is impossible for man to know more about a
woman's body until she comes to know a little bit more about herself. With
constructive input, a woman can learn how to transform the quality of her
sexual experience, even in the absence of conscious cooperation from her man.
Woman's influence in the sexual realm is such that she can drastically alter
the experience if she knows how. This gives her the capacity to make satisfying
love for the rest of her life and to find the love she seeks without
necessarily having to change partners.
Because a woman's body is most often judged from the outside by its shape, its
proportions, and its curves, a woman has a bird's-eye view of herself. She is
accustomed to seeing herself from a distance, from without; rarely does she
truly feel herself from within. When a woman learns how to nourish a romance
with her own body, to unite with it from the inside, alive in all her senses,
she exudes a breathtakingly feminine quality that transforms the atmosphere
around her. Unfortunately, most modern women have no information whatsoever on
how to accomplish such a transformation. Out of disappointment and frustration,
many women today abandon sex altogether, trusting that their love for children
or career will compensate for the loss. In so doing a woman commits a travesty
of justice: she denies herself an essential part of being a woman. Resignation
begins to settle firmly around her mouth. Often a woman feels a longing for
grandchildren (for another cycle of reproduction) so that she may once again
feel love flowing within her.
In an ideal world, grandmothers would inspire their grandchildren by talking
freely about their most nourishing experiences with sex, guiding their
grandchildren along the right track, encouraging them to give and receive love.
But as it stands in our culture, our mothers and grandmothers and
great-grandmothers have, like ourselves, had no access to higher forms of
sexual expression. In the sexual realm, they have nothing to pass down in the
way of wisdom or insight. This does not mean that no such wisdom exists. When
we look to ancient traditional cultures of the East we find an open conduit to
sexual wisdom. Central to that wisdom is the knowledge that woman is the
environment, the container, the receptacle for sex. Her vagina is the space
into which man physically enters. And, in great contrast, woman receives man
physically into herself. These two functions-entering and receiving-are very
different. Man is the guest; woman is the host.
Because of the internal design of the vagina, woman is able to exert a powerful
influence during the sex act. This command that a woman has in sex, as the
environment of sex, can best be illustrated by simple analogy. If you were to
enter a room that was crowded with furniture and hectic with the blaring sounds
of a television and the ringing demands of a telephone, this atmosphere would
likely have a negative impact upon you. It would probably strike you as being
frenzied, congested, chaotic, and a bit overwhelming. You might feel
encapsulated by pressure and tension, and most likely your immediate impulse
would be to get out into the open air again as soon as possible.
In contrast, if you were to enter a room that had a feeling of spacious
emptiness enhanced by just a few essential furnishings, where the sound of a
flute hung suspended in air that was fragrant with sensuality, such an
environment would exude peace and tranquillity. Rather than inspiring tension,
it would inspire a sensation of inner space, expansion, a feeling of coming
home. The embracing atmosphere, the absence of external pressures, and the open
space would give rise to an inner relaxation. As harmony and serenity descended
upon you, you would probably take a deep breath and arrive fully in your body.
Now consider the event of male penetration into the female body. Just as the
environment in a room has a profound effect upon the human psyche, the ambience
within the female body can, and does, have a transforming effect upon man. It
is extremely influential. Man is utterly affected by woman and yet he is
ignorant of the extent to which this is so. Through intentionally creating a
serene, receptive internal environment a woman can prolong the sex act. She can
help man to delay, and even to avoid, ejaculation.
The real sadness, though, is that woman remains as unaware of her true capacity
as man does. Not knowing how to tap into it, she too fails to experience her
intrinsic power, leaving her deeper realms of female sexuality unexplored.
Understanding the real nature of female sexual expression can reunite woman
with her god- and goddess-given power. When woman enters the sexual act within
her female element, sexual fulfillment and love will be the natural
consequence. Every woman possesses this natural ability to transform lovemaking
into a wholly satisfying and spiritually transcendent experience. All women
need is useful information on how to go about it.
Orgasm is a state where your body is no more felt as matter; it vibrates like
energy, electricity. It vibrates so deeply, from the very foundation, that you
completely forget that it is a material thing. It becomes an electric
phenomenon-and it is an electric phenomenon. Now physicists say that there is
no matter, that all matter is only appearance; deep down, that which exists is
electricity, not matter. In orgasm, you come to this deepest layer of your body
where matter no more exists, just energy waves; you become a dancing energy,
vibrating. No more any boundaries to you-pulsating, but no more substantial.
And your beloved also pulsates. And by and by, if they love each other and they
surrender to each other, they surrender to this moment of pulsation, of
vibration, of being energy, and they are not scared. . . . Because it is
deathlike when the body loses boundaries, when the body becomes like a vaporous
thing, when the body evaporates substantially and only energy is left, a very
subtle rhythm, but you find yourself as if you are not. Only in deep love can
one move into it. Love is like death: you die as far your material image is
concerned, you die as far as you think you are a body; you die as a body and
you evolve as energy, vital energy. And when the wife and the husband, or the
lovers, or the partners, start vibrating in a rhythm, the beats of their hearts
and bodies come together, it becomes a harmony-then orgasm happens, then they
are two no more. That is the symbol of yin and yang; yin moving into yang, yang
moving into yin; the man moving into the woman, the woman moving into the man.
Now they are a circle, and they vibrate together, they pulsate together. Their
hearts are no longer separate, their beats are no longer separate; they have
become a melody, a harmony. It is the greatest music possible; all other musics
are just faint things compared to it, shadow things compared to it.
TEACHINGS, TANTRA: THE SUPREME UNDERSTANDING
reader comment of Tantric Orgasm for Women 8/2004:
"I want to thank you for writing your new woman book, it helped me a lot!
And we had and have such a good time together, beautiful love making, it feels
like one more big step. I thank you for sharing your whisdom and experience. It
helped me again to better understand myself as a woman, to trust myself and to
take more self responsibility- with great effect."