Awareness Of Body And
Mind
The art of Tantra, most
simply stated, is the union of sex and meditation.
It is simultaneously a
physical and a spiritual happening, where two seemingly opposite extremes are
joined into one.
When this happens, a
magical quality arises, and we have the sense of entering a fourth dimension
where the mysteriously engulfing “present moment” arises.
In this realm,
everything sparkles and radiates, creating a freshness in the eyes, a song of
love in the heart and a new appreciation of the surroundings, our lover and
ourselves.
We feel highly
sensitive and porous, because the essential energy of the Universe, pulsing
life itself, is moving through us.
In conventional sex, we
do not achieve this sensitivity or aliveness because we are usually not aware,
not conscious, of what is happening.
We are simply
“doing it”, often mechanically or habitually, and hopefully enjoying
ourselves, but we are usually lost in the activity of it.
In conscious sex we are
attempting to be aware of what is happening at each moment, and through this we
create the opportunity to have an enriching experience of love each time.
This happens because we
understand the real nature of sexual energy.
A natural meditation
For this reason, Tantra invites us to become aware and conscious of ourselves
as we make love.
We don't get lost or
become mechanical; our attention is inward, we are present to our senses and
feelings, we are “here”.
Thus, whilst making
love a natural meditation arises.
To most people,
meditation implies being alone, sitting upright, still and unmoving, but this
is only one form of meditation.
The movements in sex
need not be chaotic but restful; they can revolve around a core of stillness,
as in ballet or Tai Chi or swimming.
Contrary to popular
belief, meditation can arise most easily during the sex act, because its
physically pleasurable intensity helps us, even forces us, into the experience
of what is happening as it is happening!
This awareness of the
unfolding moment creates the experience of “here-ness” - one of
“being present” - and from which an inner peace and relaxation
arises.
This is the sought
after fulfillment of meditation.
The mere fact of
bringing the consciousness to reside within the body, whether we are moving or
lying still, creates a silence, depth and presence.
The body can move
around and change position, it can even fly, but the consciousness remains
quiet and serene.
Slowing down and being
unhurried during sex, so as to experience the “present”, is the way
we can begin to have an experience of consciousness.
We must take time to
listen and be inwardly attentive to subtleties which arise out of an inner
focus or stillness.
As a couple continue to
make love in this relaxed way, a new level of sensual perception and
sensitivity grows with time and familiarity.
The experience becomes
increasingly pleasurable and ecstatic.
In this way sex can
become a profound ongoing meditation, where communion happens between the
bodies and spirits of two people.
When we speak of
changing the way we make love, we find that awareness is at the core of it.
It is a crucial key to
lifting sex to a new height.
The first step in
awareness is that we must continuously pay attention to our bodies and become
aware of precisely what we are doing and feeling as we make love.
Slowly, slowly we
become alert to each movement, each gesture, each breath.
When we learn to
“watch” everything that is happening inside of our bodies, and
“be with it”, the very act of sex becomes our whole focus, or realm
of perception.
And the very
phenomenon of being it and watching it, transforms it.
When we bring awareness
into our bodies, we will be surprised to find that it is a world unto itself,
with many different realities operating simultaneously.
The heart is beating,
breath is rising and falling, and we can feel certain vibrations, tingling
sensations and warmth, even light, through the body.
When we become too
involved in forms outside of ourselves, their colors or content or character,
if our minds are pre-occupied with something else or someone else, our
awareness will be diffused and ineffective.
Our awareness is also
greatly diffused by our interest in orgasm, because in our focus on an event
lying ahead, we miss the precious present moment.
Even if we are one
second ahead of ourselves, we are in actual fact, absent.
As we begin to
challenge our habit of being absent in sex, we have to begin establishing
“presence” in its place.
We have to learn to
stay in the here and now in the body, and this requires tremendous awareness.
Focus on the present
moment Sex offers us the opportunity to practice and intensify awareness in
order to literally “create” the present moment.
We learn to
“be” more in sex, and to “do” less.
It is out of this that
the magical Tantric experience emerges, where suddenly when there is no goal,
there is an injection of spontaneous and uninhibited life energy.
The natural attraction
between the penis and vagina is so strong, so full of life, it gives easy
access to the present moment.
When we walk, for
instance, it is easy to drift off into thought because foot contact with the
ground through a shoe, is not exactly a heightened feeling (although it can be
if you want it to be!).
Likewise, when we cook,
the wooden spoon in our hand does not create tremendous delight, no thrill.
It is easy for the mind
to drift off to other matters.
The intensity of sexual
union, however, its powerfully engaging nature, makes it easier for us to be
aware of the elusive present moment, unlike when we are walking or cooking or
performing any familiar task.
The pleasures of sex
with awareness, form an experience, the very nature of which can anchor us in
the present moment.
Be aware of yourself To
assist us into the present moment, Tantric attitude asks that our attention and
awareness to be on ourselves.
On
“me”.
In conventional sex, I
have found generally, the attention is on the partner first and foremost, as we
focus on his or her pleasure.
When I started my
exploration I found that I was more concerned about my man than me, so my focus
was outside of myself.
How is he doing? I
would ask myself. Does he feel good? Am I doing it right? Is this enough/too
much? He was almost more important than me.
As I placed my
attention on my lover, in these and other ways, I noticed I did not have a real
inner connection to my body, or a sense that I was “rooted” inward
and downward.
I was all up and out,
and essentially, I was making love for somebody else.
Tantra taught me to
pull my attention back to myself, to forget about the man and to engage with my
own energy first.
It taught me to bring
the awareness inward and downward and back into my body.
It taught me to feel
my belly and my breath, to make love for myself, before I concerned myself with
him.
This may sound crazy
and contrary, but it makes all the difference! It creates an ease and
relaxation out of which a natural intimacy and attraction arises, and where
insecurities easily dissolve.
It means that I am
energizing and uniting with my own body first, before I join it with another. I
bring my body to my lover, inwardly in attunement, alive and joyous, ready to
make love.
With this attitude of
putting yourself in prime focus, rooting and centering yourself inwardly so
much more can happen in love.
This was initially
clarified to me during my practice and teaching of bodywork.
Massage is something I
have taken great joy in giving throughout most of my life.
But at one point I
decided that I needed to be more qualified, so I learned some new techniques,
more advanced and sophisticated, and I found much to my dismay that the spirit
and joy of giving which I had previously so enjoyed, disappeared when I focused
on a specific outcome.
After quite some time I
decided to drop whatever fancy techniques I had learned and gratefully returned
to the magic of massage in its oily simplicity, cruising down the contours of
the body, slipping and sliding along the musculature.
I felt the delicious
textures, each one an engaging story in itself, while I hunted around for knots
and hard sinewy bits.
For me, these were
always the most “juicy” spots to play with, and I soon forgot to
think about how I was doing it. Instead I began to put my whole focus on what I
was touching. How did the body tissues underneath feel? How did the fingertips
most enjoy searching? What would feel most delicious if this was me lying here?
Where did my hands most want to touch, and how?
I began to forget
entirely about the person I was massaging, concentrating only on the movements
of my own body, my breathing, my internal relaxation, and the interior of the
body beneath my searching hands.
I noticed that the more
I focused on my body, my hands, the deeper the person seemed to relax, an
almost ringing “silence” would emanate from the body.
They would feel
extremely benefited from the massage, deeply rested, at peace and
refreshed.
They had lost sense of
time, an hour of bodiless eternity.
This was an unexpected
outcome that the more I focused on myself and the moment, the more the other
person was able to relax back into themselves.
I remember feeling
guilty about it when I stopped thinking about their physical problems during a
session, but whenever I had simply loved touching their bodies, the people
always felt better, even enriched.
Today I teach my
massage students, first and foremost, to focus on themselves and the innocent
joy of touching and giving, to stop worrying about “technique” and
simply to bring love and consciousness into their touch.
Technique has value,
but “who” is doing the technique is even more valuable.
Relax into your body In
the same way as we make love, we must pull ourselves back into center-stage,
focus on and become familiar with the interiority of the body, learn to relax
all over.
When you are relaxed,
your partner is more relaxed, and vice-versa.
The more we relax, the
more we become involved in the present moment, and from here the sexual
experience can emerge spontaneously.
The intensity of having
to turn the awareness inward onto the delicacy of the genitals during sexual
union encourages consciousness to awaken in the body.
The body then becomes a
temple, sex a god-given meditation.
Our new approach is
essentially a shift from mind to body, so I suggest to couples that they forget
about each other, as such, the personalities or problems, and focus on their
inner world.
When I was retraining
myself in becoming sensitive in sex, this approach worked well for me, allowing
my mind to slip into the background, and the body was an anchor which created
my inner reality.
Because senses and
sensuality are greatly enhanced through awareness, and because love is made in
the physical body, we must learn to expand our sensory awareness, its feelings
and perceptions.
So what is happening in
our very own bodies? And where? Remember, it is a matter of pulling your
attention from the periphery to the core.
From the outside focus
of the mind, to an inside focus of the body.
What am I feeling and
where am I feeling it? you can ask yourself. How does it actually feel? Exactly
where do I feel the awakening of life in my body? Where is the light in
here?
I will often suggest
to couples at the beginning of a workshop to look around inside their bodies
“for a place that feels like home”.
When you find such
space, be with it and rest.
Give it some light or
color, make it bigger.
Get a sense of it as a
location in the body where you can “root” yourself and find some
peace.
It may be the belly,
the heart, genitals, lower back, anywhere, but not the head! Wherever it is,
hold it in your awareness, and grow into the feeling of it.
Expand the feeling.
Remember, you can
return home any time you find you have suddenly walked out of the front door.
And you will find this
happens often! We have to continually step back to our “inside
space”, leaving the “outside space” outside.
It is as if we
literally have to step inside our bodies, create the inside space and keep
expanding it.
As things stand the
outside space is usually much bigger in people than the inside space, so we
have to “force” the boundaries of the inside space open to expand.
Moreover, at the outset
of lovemaking, when each person gives the time and attention to his or her own
body first , by expanding their inside space, it is as if the air between the
bodies that normally separates them, actually comes alive, like a magnetic
field.
You become aware of the
life in your own body, which radiates outward to communicate with the body and
presence of your lover, right through the space between you.
The perception, the
inner awareness of the body, is a far more delicate phenomenon than the
thinking process.
When our attention is
caught up with thought, it is difficult to reach down into the vastness of the
body to experience what is specifically happening there.
It is difficult to
“be” in the body.
One contributing factor
is that at the outset of approaching love, we are much too fast in bringing our
bodies into physical contact.
We compress what could
otherwise be a prolonged and wonderful exchange, into a few seconds flat,
trying to create something enjoyable for the other.
This has the effect of
“pulling” each person out of awareness, off center, and away from
home as it were.
Rather than feeling
ourselves by dropping inward, and absorbing the other, being sweet and simple,
we put more effort into doing something to them, a rub, a touch, a caress.
We have become human
doings, and forgotten how to be a human being.
Let your body be your
guide To experiment with this slow approach, try this exercise: Before you make
love, lie in bed on your sides, and face each other.
Your bodies slightly
apart, and without any physical contact.
Pull your focus away
from your partner, into your own body.
Close your eyes for a
few moments and feel yourself withdrawing your awareness from the outer to the
inner.
You can imagine you are
sliding down your own spine, vertebra by vertebra, into the back of the body,
down into the pelvis, and so connecting with the energy in base of your body
and legs.
Hold yourself “in
there” for a while, give yourself time for this.
This brings vitality
to your own body before you bring your bodies together.
After several minutes,
open your eyes and look at each other.
As this happens you
keep your awareness in your own body.
Breathe.
Relax your jaw.
After some minutes,
slowly, slowly inch forward toward your lover, keeping your focus inside.
Move into an embrace,
the slower the better, starting with a meeting of the fingertips, and let it be
more of a “happening” than a “doing”.
And be acutely aware of
each body part, the skin, the warmth, as it meets and wraps itself around the
other.
If you wait long
enough, just intensely “being” you will even find the bodies are
eventually pulled or sucked together, attracted like magnets.
Remove any intention,
and be with the experience of moving closer to the one you love.
When we move into love
with this slow sensitivity, awareness of ourselves, and thereby the other, is
greatly expanded.
The body energies too
respond vibrantly to this languid lazy approach.
You can also try this
when you are greeting each other, after a separation, a day at the office.
Before you hug, stop,
stand still and take several seconds to draw your awareness inward, ground
yourself in your body, your legs and feet.
Then step forward, as
slowly as possible, and move into a gradual hug with your Beloved.
Stay relaxed, drop your
shoulders, don't make any undue physical effort, breathe.
With awareness stay in
the body, let the bodies do the greeting, and allow it to be a
“melting” together.
Pulling the awareness
inward in this way, instead of projecting it outward, creates a more sensitive
environment within the body.
You become aware of
places that you didn't know had feeling or sensitivity, because your attention
was placed elsewhere.
And whilst making love
our attention is frequently preoccupied by ideas of orgasm.
When you can be present
in your body, you begin to experience you dimensionality, an exquisite interior
between your front and back, which explodes into sensitivity like an inner
display of fireworks.
Switch off your mind We
are diverting the focus from our periphery to our core, from an outward
expression to an inward impression, and thereby enhancing sensitivity in the
body.
Tantra returns us from
sexuality to sex.
Today we are restricted
to the experience of our sexuality, we do not experience the true force of sex,
because the mind has become an integral part of the sex act.
To return to the
innocence and naturalness of sex we have to start by “switching off”
or disassociating from the thinking part in us.
Perhaps the biggest
distraction in sex today is the incredible ability of the mind to fantasize.
Indeed, sexual fantasy
has become the powerhouse, the driving force of many people's sex lives.
Often in lovemaking we
get involved in sexual fantasy, not conscious of what is happening,
specifically and moment by moment “in the present”.
Our attention is not on
this partner here and now, but creating an imagined one or an imaginary
situation.
Thus we are not really
experiencing the truth of the body.
Instead the mind is
using fantasy to drive or motivate the body.
We are with thought and
not with the body.
Sexual fantasy can
even be habitual, in which case it is as if we are repeating the same program
again and again.
Almost every one of
us, I am sure, has used a sexual image, either past real or imagined future, to
help us get excited and maintain an interest in the sex act.
Mostly we use sexual
fantasy to urge us along toward orgasm, because the imagination helps us to
reach the peak.
And it works incredibly
well too! The mind must be proclaimed as a powerful tool to produce such
effective, even immediate, results.
But sexual fantasy is,
nonetheless, a great diversion in sex "as it pulls us away from
reality" the person we are making love with here now.
Fantasy makes us
absolutely absent to our present.
Tantra, in its wisdom,
embraces this imaginative power of the mind.
It encourages it to be
re-directed into the body.
The imagination can be
harnessed to actually stimulate valuable movements of energy within the body
instead.
And this happens
because sooner or later the energy will follow the imagination.
We have all tried it
too, and we even know it works!
Imagination can thus
be used as a positive tool in sex, rather than a distraction.
If for example: we
begin to imagine light and see circles of energy within the body; or energetic
connections between the positive and negative poles (inside and outside
yourself); or energy streaming from man into woman; or woman absorbing this
golden light; or energy radiating from the heart and breasts or leaping from
the penis, sooner or later we will begin to have this experience, the feeling
of this actually happening.
The energy can be
imagined as a streaming golden flow or even a jumping, leaping of light, even
lightning men may find this second suggestion works easier for them.
A return to innocence
It might be indistinct at first, the delicate tendrils of awakening life within
you, but your awareness will help to fan it, and this makes energy grow,
expand, configure.
For some people
“to feel energy” is more easy than with others.
If it is not easy for
you, please use the imagination, it is a tremendous support to the body.
Where you do have the
sensation of energy moving within, the imagination can help to intensify the
experience.
In these ways the mind
is used to pave the pathways for the inner energy circuits, which become more
and more dynamic with the passage of time. In the transition of sexuality to
sex, the returning of sex to the innocence of the body, we must remind
ourselves that the first step in awareness is to be aware of the inner music of
the body, and the second step is to be aware of the thoughts.
Even if we are not
using fantasy in the sex act, we are often thinking all kinds of thoughts, and
these thoughts are potentially destructive too.
When we become aware of
our fluttering thoughts, estimated at about 50,000 per day, it is a surprise to
find out what is going on inside of us!
In my early sexual
life, when the moments of lovemaking that I had been so longing for were
actually happening, I noticed with horror that I would find myself drifting off
and thinking about something else.
Anything, I was
astounded that it could be something as banal as where to go for dinner! I
found it difficult to be utterly involved in sex.
Since then, I have
discovered that the sexual energy is so subtle and sensitive, even one sudden
and simple train of thought is enough to disturb its natural magnetic
flow.
A gradual process when
we are bringing awareness to our thought process, it is not as if we must stop
thinking.
We can't!
We do think, and that
is the problem!
Here there is nothing
we can do directly about thinking, however we can approach it
indirectly.
The significant thing
is to “notice” that you are thinking, caught up in a stream of
thoughts, and in that very noticing you are thrown back into the present, you
sever the thread to the thoughts.
By simply acknowledging
that you were thinking, you disassociate or “cut with the
mind”.
This is enough, and
through this you return to the present.
Definitely do not begin
an inner dialogue, giving yourself a hard time because you were absent and not
present, simply and quickly slip back into the present. And stay immersed in
the present, in the physicality and sensuality of consciousness in the body,
for as long as ....woops! you find yourself caught up in thinking again!
Notice, and slip
immediately back into your body.
It is a process, and
the miracle of the phenomenon of awareness is that you need not do anything
except to become aware.
The simple act of
watching the thoughts, becoming aware of the physical patterns associated with
thoughts, slowly there is a change.
The mind becomes more
relaxed, content and attuned to the body, as if a bridge is created.
As couples embark on
the Tantric journey, it is really important to bear in mind that this is a
gradual process.
It is a shift in
consciousness, not a sudden change, and neither is it a technique.
You can't do it, you
have to be it.
It is an ongoing
refining process of creating stillness which requires time.
It is helpful if you do
not seek big changes or immediate results.
It does not happen like
that every time!
Sometimes yes, but real
change is made up of numerous, sometimes invisible, small changes which take
root in the body.
Notice the smaller,
less obvious things that happen to you, what you feel and where you feel it.
And the joy of it.
This consciousness
brought to the body and the sexual act begins to transform it, becoming a
fountainhead of love, enriching to body, mind and spirit.
Summary
* awareness of mind
and body transforms the sexual experience
* shift the awareness
from outside to inside
* this focus creates a
'root' within the body
* challenge thinking by
consciously experiencing bodily sensations
* use power of
imagination to amplify and expand energy movement. |
