Penetrating Innocence: The
Love Keys
In conventional sex,
we can liken our bodies to an open blossom with petals extending outward,
reaching out into the world.
The energy is primarily
projected away from the center, we are focused on the other.
Learning to live
through the body In Tantra, the blossom is consciously inverted, the petals are
pulled back toward the center and inverted toward the core, as if returning to
a bud again.
The energy is primarily
projected toward our own center.
The Love Keys knock us
back inside, to be focused on ourselves, our inside space, which we consciously
have to create and expand.
The Love Keys help to
draw our attention inward from the periphery to the core, enabling us to focus
the awareness within the body.
By “rooting”
the consciousness in the body, and using the body as a constant reference
point, we are able to arrive increasingly to the present moment.
Indeed the body is the
only thing that exists in present moment, and learning to live through the
body, increases our chances of overall happiness.
We forsake the
entangled tortured drifting mind, in favor of the simple god-given pleasure of
the flesh.
Polarity, the
underlying theme of Tantra, whereby the genitals generate an energy of their
own, begins to arise of its own accord as we make love consciously.
And particularly if we
make love consciously consistently.
Now, with the
information about polarity, and the importance of engaging the positive poles
(which can be called the “background” Love Key), the Love Keys will
make the body a vehicle, an anchor and a bridge, to keeps us rooted in the
“sexual present”.
The Love Keys will
guide us to various parts of the body, which open up doorways to being
“here and now” in the awesome present moment.
These Love Keys
assisted me thousands of times, and as I dropped into them, layer by layer, I
was slowly able to center my awareness in my own body and thereby re-gain trust
in myself.
As a result of bringing
consciousness into the act, old buried sexual wounds moved out of the body,
repressed energy was freed up, and I was enabled to shift to a higher
frequency.
When I first introduced
the Love Keys to my experimental group of westerners whilst living in India, I
was stunned at the dramatically fast response.
Love was in the air,
sparkling in the eyes of both the men and women!
What had taken me years
to unravel and re-arrange in myself, was happening in a handful of days.
It was a miracle.
This was reassuring for
me in that it confirmed that bodies instinctively respond in similar ways, and
in working with couples since then, I have established that they can be in
their teens or in their sixties, together for one night or thirty two years,
the response is the same.
Love flourishes with
consciousness.
But it must be stressed
that establishing “the present” through the Love Keys, and in the
body, is an ongoing process.
It never really ends!
Although there can be an immediate sense of an enchanting quality at first, and
a more relaxed approach to sex, it takes time for the sexual present to be
rooted firmly in the body. Y
ou can't expect to be
operating one way for several decades, focused on fantasy or the sexual reward
of orgasm, and then suddenly move into a whole new way of being here and now!
Moving away from old patterns So as a couple it is very important to realize
that changing our lovemaking is an art, it's a journey, not an instant affair!
It is made up of small
steps which can sometimes be huge in effect.
But the more we
experiment with the Love Keys, we can practice moving away from our patterns
into the experience of what is happening “now” in this present
moment.
It is a practice of
returning to the body again and again.
Sometimes we manage and
sometimes we don't!
Sometimes we will get
caught up in the desire for orgasm, and (please) go for it and thoroughly enjoy
it. It is great!
And at the sametime
being aware that this is what is happening, we are choosing it.
This is a great step in
itself ! It brings awareness to the process we are involved in, and with
practice, when we are able to remain present in the body during lovemaking, no
longer motivated to “do” but happy to “be”, the body
regains its inherent sensitivity and consciousness.
The Love Keys will
strengthen your rapport with your lover, a new intimacy will grow, it will be
like developing a new language, a solid foundation for love.
This awareness
encouraged by the Love Keys will allow you to relax and have more time to focus
on details happening inside your body.
And particularly
between the penis and vagina.
As the sensitivity of
the genitals increases, and polarity gradually becomes established, the
positive and negative poles begin responding to each other, vibrating
gloriously.
Sex returns itself to
the body, and ceases to have anything to do with the mind.
Take the time to create
stillness But not at first.
When you approach a new
way of sensing the genitals, it may be difficult to feel anything at all at
first.
It might even be an
effort to try and feel! Until this point we have always depended upon alot of
friction-like movement for our sexual experience, but now we are searching for
a sensitivity that lies beneath this superficial sensation.
You are getting in
touch with a finer layer, vibrant and glowing, more satisfying. And although
you never lose your capacity to become excited, you are moving beyond the
initial intensity and overwhelmingness of this excitement.
It is almost like
stepping underneath it.
You must slow down in
both body and mind, creating enough stillness to feel something so subtle it
has previously been barely discernible.
Developing this degree
of sensitivity takes time and commitment, but it is so well worth it.
When you begin using
the Love Keys, you will feel exposed, vulnerable, a little bit shaky perhaps.
This is natural because
you are penetrating your own innocence.
As if returning to
that childlike wide-eyed innocent state, present and playful, now starting to
make love for the first time.
It is fresh landscape,
different colors.
So remember, if you
feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or a little bit silly, it is fine to
laugh.
More times than I can
count, I have burst into fits of wild uncontrollable laughter. And I always
felt so much better, more alive, relaxed and easy afterwards.
You may even feel sad,
allow the tears to flow, be grateful for them, don't hold them back.
Laughter and tears are
a release of inner withheld tensions, and allowing them expression enables you
to relax into a deeper, more authentic layer of yourself, a prerequisite for
intimacy and satisfying lovemaking.
Let this be a form of
play where we are sincere and not serious. And there is a world between these
two.
Sincerity arises from
the heart, while seriousness arises from the mind.
Sincerity likes to
experiment and learn, while seriousness likes a foolproof recipe.
Playing around with
the Love Keys is a bit like peeling an onion.
There is always another
layer to penetrate, another step inward to the glory of relaxation in the body.
When you and your lover
are able to be easy and experiment with each other, playfully and willingly,
with commitment, love is able to penetrate you deeply.
You will eventually
find that you can create love through your consciousness, that love is in your
very own hands, and is not some wild wind blowing through and over you, beyond
your conscious control.
Explore and
experiment.
We need a fresh
attitude and a loving approach in order to experiment with sex.
As a couple we must be
curious enough to challenge our usual tendencies in lovemaking, which means we
will probably have to give up things that, up to now, we may have enjoyed
tremendously.
Since for most of us
sex has become a relatively mechanical orgasm hunting experience, and people
will often admit that the excitement of it is not unlike an addiction, we will
need to support each other in “breaking” or releasing the mechanical
or doing aspects of sex.
But if we remain
focused on the usual goodies in sex, and what we are giving up, it will be
difficult to see what we are gaining.
Often there is a gap
between the letting go and the gaining, so we need the patience and willingness
to abandon the old ways, and a playful, honest approach with a preparedness for
the new.
With this commitment to
exploration, and the unexpected, it is most helpful when both partners embrace
similar attitudes, making ultimate co-peration and discovery possible.
For instance, in the
throes of sexual heat and excitement, it may be a challenge to stay open to
experimentation.
You might suddenly
experience the overwhelming urge to go for orgasm. And in these moments,
believe me, nothing seems more important! However, if your partner can help you
in bringing yourself back to “now”, suddenly the possibility for you
to relax arises and in taking the enormous step of dropping beneath this
compulsive urge, the mystery of sex will begin to unfold before you.
In this way the support
and awareness of your partner is essential in order to grow in love, to bring
clarity to the sexual experience.
When couples make love
in the spirit of co-operation, you are helping each other, teaching and
learning from each other, and through each other, together you uncover the path
of relaxation in sex.
It is not possible
alone.
When one partner again
and again undermines the efforts of the other, stepping away from our
unconscious sexual aspects becomes a near impossibility.
Without mutual
willingness it will be very difficult to explore new terrain.
Right from the start
there must be an attitude of vulnerability, the humble acknowledgment that
neither of you really knows much about making love.
Even though you have
probably done it thousands of times.
Have you ever tried
counting? A woman I worked with introduced herself by saying; she had done it
at least three and a half thousand times in one way, she was here to see what
else was possible! If either partner is unwilling to explore new territory, by
challenging of old patterns in sex, this can lead to a lack of vulnerability.
If you think that you
know what it takes to make love and how this mysterious energy works, there
will be no entry point for different, possibly more refined and sustaining
experiences.
Instead, you must be
willing to acknowledge all of your feelings and to expose your insecurities and
fears about sex.
If you are too set in
your ways of thinking, the higher orgasmic potential of sex cannot be
realized.
Banish rules from the
bedroom.
We must remember that
there are absolutely no rules about how to make love!
Using the Love Keys is
more a question of awareness. And using the awareness is very different to
using rules.
Through awareness we
are able to discover and learn, we teach ourselves, but rules are imposed on
us, and sooner or later, imply rebellion.
It is the undermining
tendency of the mind to make ideas fixed and rigid, especially when we feel
insecure from not knowing what may happen next.
If you have to do
something it is not the same as discovering its value through experimentation.
“Wow! that really works for me,” is different to “I must.”
It is very easy for a
woman to become rule-oriented because she is usually physically the less
demonstrative partner, so less “doing” is easier initially.
I have seen all too
often a woman in her own insecurity, imposing rules and pointing (literally!)
an angry accusing finger at her lover, rather than exposing her own
vulnerability in the situation.
The man, easily feeling
chastised and his ego threatened, will react by rebelling or withdrawing his
co-operation.
This is not the
interest of Tantra.
When insecurities arise
in a fresh, new sexual way, Tantra offers suggestions rather than rules.
Try this, we can say to
ourselves, and when we do, we gain concrete experience and so we are able to
create new guidelines and orientations.
We are two people
working together in a unit, like scientists with insatiable curiosity, slicing
through the misunderstandings of centuries.
Patience, love, respect
and understanding are the ways of Tantra.
In Part II, the Love
Keys are assembled under nine general headings: Eyes, Breath, Communication,
Genital Consciousness, Touch, Relaxation, Soft Penetration, Deep Penetration
and Rotating Positions.
Each of the Love Keys
assists us in accessing the present moment through the body.
As you read the
individual Love Keys you will find there lie keys within keys.
Each Love Key gives a
range of practical suggestions which can immediately be incorporated into
love-making.
There is alot to
absorb, so do not think you have to use all the Love Keys all the time, and get
overwhelmed. Instead, see which keys you respond to as you read, which feel
“right”, which arouse your curiosity. And then start with these ones.
As you begin to feel
“grounded” in each of these, you can begin to incorporate new ones.
Also, after a time of experimenting, and you read this all again, it will
probably make more “sense”, you will understand more, respond to
things you don't quite remember from the first read, or find interest in things
that did not attract you in the slightest.
Really it is a unique
dance, a journey, an adventure and as you experiment, your experience will
deepen, and with it your perception.
Even if you embrace any
two Love Keys to start with, for instance, maintaining eye contact and
breathing deep and slow, you are highly likely to experience a qualitative
change in your lovemaking.
So you do not have to
embrace everything all at once, it is up to you, and you choose.
Besides, it is a
process which takes time, remembering a shift in consciousness, and not a
sudden change, is afoot.
I remember a couple
telling me, one year after their first workshop, that they had experimented a
great deal with the Love Keys but still they enjoyed having the orgasms.
The Love Keys enabled
them to be more present and loving, and extend the time of lovemaking, which
was wonderful, and then just to “finish it off” they would have an
orgasm.
A little whipped cream
so to speak. And so they continued their exploration, also attending another
workshop during this time, when unexpectedly on the telephone two and half
years from our initial meeting, the woman suddenly said to me “And do you
know, neither of us is interested in orgasm any more! It's unbelievable,
because it used to be so important, the all and everything. But now we have
slowly discovered how to be here, it is so much nicer, more relaxing, why
bother with orgasms! And we are so happy, so in love.”
Choosing which Love
Keys to try So the beauty is that once consciousness is brought into the sexual
act, a process is set in motion, and the old habits or patterns slowly work
themselves out of the system.
And new experiences
come to pass and consciousness take root.
So while you are
making love, do not be afraid of trying out some of the Love Keys. Just try one
or two and see what happens. If you are in a couple and you decide to
experiment, then you can chat about which to try at first.
Often when both
partners are using the same Love Keys, say combining positive poles and
breathing, the effect on the sexual energy can be strengthened. But this is not
essential. Even if you don't decide beforehand, or you do not have a
“fixed” sexual partner with whom to experiment, you may suddenly feel
inclined or inspired to try something out. And it can surprise you.
A friend of mine in a
workshop, upon hearing that the Love Key, relaxation, also included relaxation
of the vaginal muscles, she did not quite believe it.
Everything in her
experience indicated the contrary.
She said nothing at the
time, but later whilst experimenting with her lover in privacy, she
unexpectedly remembered this suggestion, and saying to herself “okay, let
it go!”, she consciously released her vagina.
As it widened and
opened the, the penis instantaneously dived into the depths of the vagina,
pushing and probing upward, almost grateful with delight.
She was in awe, even as
she expressed it the next day.
How the Love Keys will
help you change your relationship for the better As you choose a particular
Love Key to play with, nonetheless, keep spreading the awareness through the
whole body.
If for example, you
choose focusing on your positive pole, don't become over-focused on the area.
Don't let it obscure
everything else, so that it becomes a “concentration” or a fixation,
and thus a tension, instead of a melting relaxation into your body.
So this is important.
If you find yourself
getting “mindy” or too concentrated, then relax the brain, imagine it
fanning open and spreading wide. Again and again sweep the body with your
awareness, from head to toe and back again, connecting the parts with the
whole, this spreads and expands the sexual energy bringing the body into one
organic unity.
To help us shed the
tough layer of the insensitive uneducated past, Tantra indicates three
directions that we can pursue whilst exploring our sexuality so as to,
effectively, cleanse or de-condition ourselves of unconscious sexual patterns
which affect the quality of love in our lives. And the Love Keys will assist
you in this.
The first is to
challenge the habit of “going for” orgasms.
Also noticing that we
are basically “absent” and ahead, and therefore relatively
unconscious, when we do go for it.
The second is to make
a shift from “doing” to “being” in sex.
Notice too, that even
if we are not interested in orgasm per se, we feel nonetheless driven to
“do” something in order to have a sexual experience, which makes us.
The third is to restore
our original genital sensitivity (magnetic intelligence) through relaxation and
consciousness of the present moment.
These pursuits do not
happen separately from each other, it is an interdependent process.
The more you challenge
your patterns, the more easily the genital sensitivity is re-established.
The more awareness you
place on your intrinsic genital intelligence, the easier it is to change your
patterns.
Some days you might
focus on one aspect, some days on another, and most days all at once! It is a
complete re-education in sex which happens through making love, and the joy
that comes with it, as a profound imprint within, and not simply by mental
understanding.
With the practice of
relaxing into the sexual energy, and learning to “be” many old
emotional patterns, habits, reactions and problems cease to be motivated.
The thrust toward
unconsciousness, and the energy it consumes, is gradually retraced into the
silver thread of consciousness weaving in the body.
Summary
* the Love Keys
strengthen rapport with your lover
* curiosity and the
spirit of co-operation are vital keys to exploration
* expand your 'inside
space' through immediate bodily sensitivity
* let your experience
teach and guide you
* a shift in
consciousness, a gradual process of unveiling sexual ecstasy. |
